I thought that my first post with Dindin as a toddler is her birthday. I did not know that on the eve of her birthday, I will have to write this.
My eyes continue to water as I write this. It is because less than an hour ago, an accident happened. We were giving Dindin a bath in our bathroom. As always, Dennis is holding her while I wet, soap and rinse her body with a hand-held shower. As always, Dindin is really malikot. But this time, it seemed that despite her Papa’s big grip, she slipped (we have a no-slip rug) on the floor. And since her body and our hands are all slippery because we were still soaping her, she went all the way down on the floor, with her right shoulder and the right side of her head hitting the floor.
She cried so hard. Bubbles and all, I hugged her really tight. Then we hurriedly rinsed her and wrapped in a towel and I continued to soothe her while hugging her. This went on for about 5 minutes then she calmed down. While still sobbing, Dennis gave her Lola Bunny, which she hugged really tight. Then she allowed to be put on the bed so that I can dress her up.
After a while, she was given the bottle and she fell asleep.
I feel so bad. Every time an accident like that happens, I feel like a failure as a parent. I know that I cannot be perfect, but I just cannot help it. Dindin can be a handful and even with her big Papa, she can be sooo strong when she wants to get out of our grasp. We have seen this coming already, even while she was still in the nursery room a few days after she was born. Even when tightly swaddled in a cloth diaper, she can escape its clutches in just a couple of minutes. And she was a newborn babe then! How much more now?
Sometimes I am told that I am very protective. No I am not. I give my child her certain liberties, but I also am very careful not to add to the bumps and blackeyes and bruises that she already got in the past. And she has hit her head a time too many. I don’t want that to happen again. What parent would expose her child to danger? That notion is absurd and sometimes I wish that naysayers would just keep their mouths shut. I am a full-time Mom and I have seen my child “perform”. She is not like any other kid and when I try to “timpla” her, please lay off!
But it seems that Dindin figuring in accidents as she explores the world is beyond me. I can only give her and commit her safety to the Lord, who is her Heavenly Father. I can only lie down and cry for this child who was entrusted to me and whom I know I cannot fully protect.