Yeah, I know, the adage says, “Don’t cry over spilt milk.”
But I have nothing to spill over, no breast milk for that matter. So crying over spilled milk is not the issue here.
Okay, I am exaggerating. I do produce milk, or at least some of it…just part of my baby’s feeding requirements.
Today, I just got so tired. I have been crying in the past from the pain of breast pumping, swollen nipples, and the frustration. But today, I felt so bad. I felt like a bad mother for not being able to produce enough breast milk for my baby. And to think that my mother breastfed my brother and I for several years.
What made it more painful was the fact that my baby is pushing away her bottle and would rather latch on me. She wants to be breast fed, but after awhile, no more milk would come out. It is soooo frustrating to see your child wanting to feed on your milk and you are not able to give more.
I have tried everything. While I was painfully recovering from Caesarian Section, I endured the pain to go to the nursery twice a day in order to get my breasts stimulated to produce breast milk. While I was already discharged from the hospital and the baby remained, I came everyday just to let her latch. Sometimes, we would pass by a bumpy patch on the road and my wound would really ache so much that I would almost faint sometimes. But I endured the long drive to the hospital every single day.
I ate vegetables, drank soup by the bowls, drank Anmum Lacta for lactating mothers, ate fruits, took vitamins, took malunggay capsules (I now take 6 per day and it makes me go to bathroom every so often), etc, etc. The only thing I have not done probably is to drink beer (they say beer also increases milk production but most babies don’t like the milk).
Last night, Dindin vomitted most of what she had since the afternoon, which was mostly formula. I felt sad. It was one of the times that she took 4 oz in 5 hours and yet she threw up everything.
People are telling me that my baby has lost weight. What can I do? She refuses to eat other varieties, and I can only give so much.
It just so frustrating because ever since I got pregnant, I already decided to breastfeed. And I have time to breastfeed because I work at home. But the problem is milk production.
My baby is almost 3 months now.